Taking a step back...
I'm following Sylfien's lead and taking a blog entry to think and/or re-collect what's been happening in my life. Basically, its been a little of the good, a little of the bad, and a little of the just plain odd. (I'm lying: nothing strange has been happening)
Major events since last I blogged:
1)Got grad school acceptance. Yay. It was my 1st choice anyway.
2)Messed up one grad school interview. Boo. Whatever, it probably doesn't matter.
3)Finished Call of Duty and the Expansion pack on the lowest difficulty. Replaying on regular now. Its going fine, but I'm not doing 11 hour straight sessions anymore. Its a good game. I can see how multiplayer and mods totally would rock. I recall a CS map of one of the schools back home... It'd be great to play.
4)Did math midterm. More computation than expected. Otherwise pretty OK. Feel good about it, despite lack of preparation beforehand.
5)Lab reports are becoming a bitch with well over 20 hours per report, per week. This is ridiculous. Must streamline working procedure. It was more efficient working alone... because then I'd be forced to make up facts and BS my way through. I have very bad habits when it comes to academic honesty.
6)Really bad: Phlebas isn't going to visit me. Feel a little sad about that still. We can't wait for the wedding, and the end of the wait is near, but... Its true that I have too little of a life outside her, and a few other close confidantes. Its a situation I'm sort of happy with, if only because it spares me the trouble of having to accept everyone else for what they are instead of dismissing outright. But I digress. Or would, if this blog entry had a point. =)
I don't know what's come over me, but I've been a lot more critical lately. Like I mentally categorise people really fast and treat the ones who fall below my standards with a hint of contempt. Probably a consequence of too much success, and maybe being a little stressed. I know what motivates me is often a mix of fear, self-loathing and seething hatred... And hating more stuff helps reduce the first two, but it probably isn't healthy. Heck, the whole attitude isn't healthy. I guess that's why Phlebas means so much to me. When I'm in her arms I can't really hate anymore, at least not to the same extent. And any fear is just a generalised haze of uncertainty that doesn't ever get too bad because she's prone to knocking sense into this thick skull of mine.
Alright. Gotta run. Damn, I never get enough time these days. Too many commitments... And I'm not willing to reduce the stuff I'm committing to out of fear that my life will become really empty... At least this way I'm too busy to feel alone.
I'm following Sylfien's lead and taking a blog entry to think and/or re-collect what's been happening in my life. Basically, its been a little of the good, a little of the bad, and a little of the just plain odd. (I'm lying: nothing strange has been happening)
Major events since last I blogged:
1)Got grad school acceptance. Yay. It was my 1st choice anyway.
2)Messed up one grad school interview. Boo. Whatever, it probably doesn't matter.
3)Finished Call of Duty and the Expansion pack on the lowest difficulty. Replaying on regular now. Its going fine, but I'm not doing 11 hour straight sessions anymore. Its a good game. I can see how multiplayer and mods totally would rock. I recall a CS map of one of the schools back home... It'd be great to play.
4)Did math midterm. More computation than expected. Otherwise pretty OK. Feel good about it, despite lack of preparation beforehand.
5)Lab reports are becoming a bitch with well over 20 hours per report, per week. This is ridiculous. Must streamline working procedure. It was more efficient working alone... because then I'd be forced to make up facts and BS my way through. I have very bad habits when it comes to academic honesty.
6)Really bad: Phlebas isn't going to visit me. Feel a little sad about that still. We can't wait for the wedding, and the end of the wait is near, but... Its true that I have too little of a life outside her, and a few other close confidantes. Its a situation I'm sort of happy with, if only because it spares me the trouble of having to accept everyone else for what they are instead of dismissing outright. But I digress. Or would, if this blog entry had a point. =)
I don't know what's come over me, but I've been a lot more critical lately. Like I mentally categorise people really fast and treat the ones who fall below my standards with a hint of contempt. Probably a consequence of too much success, and maybe being a little stressed. I know what motivates me is often a mix of fear, self-loathing and seething hatred... And hating more stuff helps reduce the first two, but it probably isn't healthy. Heck, the whole attitude isn't healthy. I guess that's why Phlebas means so much to me. When I'm in her arms I can't really hate anymore, at least not to the same extent. And any fear is just a generalised haze of uncertainty that doesn't ever get too bad because she's prone to knocking sense into this thick skull of mine.
Alright. Gotta run. Damn, I never get enough time these days. Too many commitments... And I'm not willing to reduce the stuff I'm committing to out of fear that my life will become really empty... At least this way I'm too busy to feel alone.
posted by Enforced Equanimity at 8:35 PM
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