Hello Again

I'm back in the world of the blogging. I guess some updates are in order:
1)Yes, Nessa was here. We had a great time. I'm still cherishing thoughts of it in my spare moments. Whee. I love you darling. We went to SF, NY, Napa and Yosemite. We are not outdoorsey people. We aren't big city folk either. We're sort of in-between. I think small town suburbia suits us best. =)
2)Finished attachment. Went well. People sorta liked me. Weird. Am more convinced than ever now about my work habits. Shall elaborate on this further below.
3)Because of 2) above, it looks like my chances of doing a Masters are on the up and up. Thanks to 2) as well (and some nudging from Nessa), I also know what sort of posting and Masters I want. All very good. Shall poke appropriate people to expedite processing of grad sch app ASAP.
4)Started World of Warcraft. Am glad that am finally getting to saturation point this week: ie it can't steal my sould because I'm too sick of it to play it in 10 hr bouts anymore. (Marathon sessions like this have not happened often, thankfully. ) My constant playing over the last 3 weeks was to force saturation because I know I can't keep it up. (That's what I tell myself anyway.)

hm... I'm getting more verbose. *sigh*
Yes, am slightly melancholy but also feeling extremely lazy, resulting in terse rambling. Which is probably oxymoronic.

5)Started school. Yay. Not. Too many classes, too much I want to learn. Went to research seminar today and someone said "knowledge aquisition is addictive." Probably true. More about conclusions from seminar later.
Am at 23 units. Normal load is 15-16. One of the classes is graduate. And hard. Want to add 1 more grad class. Very interesting topic, but who do I prune off? The good news is that the finals count is very low. Even with the added class (bringing net load to 26 - 8 classes), there will be only 4 classes with exams. Odd. Still, will find someone to remove. Or someones... I really, really wanted to slack this sem but I seem to be back at the same unit count as last sem (when I had no life) and with harder classes.

6)Did research seminar. Went very well. The time leading to it was hell - running around fustrated and crazy. Would not have managed nearly as well if school hadn't just started and workloads weren't so light. We had 5 panelists who came and spoke about research at UCB.

7)Am teaching. More advice then "teaching," I suppose. A bit jaded with the entire educational/career process, but I'll do my best to give useful advice.

8)Ok. Long bit now: regarding the whole research/work thing. Marinating on it and figure that my work/research attitude is very medium distance, just like I prefer medium distance runs (5-8km). Must be a fundamental personality thing. Here's the reasoning: I can't do short distance because I get thrown by the sudden change. I react horribly to that sort of thing. I can handle it (not outstandingly well, but I get my act together) and work competently during the crisis. Just not great. As for long run: I get fustrated with the lack of progress and new ideas. Hate seeing/doing the same-0ld, same-old. Boring.

With regards to research work: I don't know if I want to keep one of them up. I think what I said to someone in class the other day is true: guy I work for is smart and dedicated and intent on his work as opposed to teaching. The material is very, very specialised and teaching me would slow him down, so I become a pest. Now, I guess I feel unappreciated, and like I'm not getting anywhere. If it were someone else in my place, one of two things would happen: If they were outstandingly dedicated, they would teach themselves. Hooray for them. Then again, I know I pick things up pretty fast, and the fact I still barely get it means that this hypothetical person would have to be ridiculously good with the research material. On the other hand, most other people would have quit by now, being less stubborn. If I had spare time, I could probably get up to speed on where I need to be, but I never have time because I enjoy taking classes too much. That said, maybe I should quit, because this isn't going anywhere, and bowing out graciously is probably better than hanging on and being a nuisance.

Irony is that I like that sort of research direction... =( Oh well.

Oh, and the other project's hung indefinitely. But I think I feel like I contributed more meaningfully to that one despite spending less time on it. Really want to do more with that. Think the AI classes want to take may be semi-applicable. Maybe the math will lend itself to proper control theory. Hm... who knows?

Point about my working style: I definitely prefer application over research. Or to put it another way, the "development" part of R&D. So maybe I'm not cut out for a PhD. Just get me my charter/operating license and I'm happy. Feel at odds with all the academics at UCB who keep touting "research" and the "joy of discovery" as the be all and end all. Also annoyed with the idea that people seem to imply that you either go academic or you go for the money. For one thing, there's other ways to happiness. Myself, all I want is a reasonably comfortable life, my love, friends, and children. No need to be a hotshot corporate exec (who has no time for the things that really matter) or a tireless research genius (ditto about the spare time issue). Of course ambition and pride keep drawing me back into the fray (and I'm holding my own, thank you very much). Just feel like bashing my head into a wall for being an idiot so much of the time. No, this isn't a put down for people who actually want to be PhDs or corporate execs (you know who you are and that I love you. Should watch what I type but I hope you'll understand.).

Oh, whatever. Going to bugger off now. Maybe play a bit? Do some math? Something like that anyway.